最近看到一篇香港作家陶傑的傑作: The War at Home. 讓我自愧不如。文章可以寫到這一種境界真是不凡。言語直白，表達含蓄，意蘊深厚，不是一般人可以做到的。我那篇《從圓明園獸首所想到的》與之相比較，雖然取材類似，可是文章水平實在是天差地別！
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The War at Home
The Russians sank a Hong Kong freighter last month, killing the seven Chinese seamen on board. We can live with that—Lenin and Stalin were once the ideological mentors of all Chinese people. The Japanese planted a flag on Diàoyú Island. That’s no big problem—we Hong Kong Chinese love Japanese cartoons, Hello Kitty, and shopping in Shinjuku,let alone our round-the-clock obsession with karaoke.
But hold on—even the Filipinos? Manila has just claimed sovereignty over the scattered rocks in the South China Sea called the Spratly Islands,complete with a blatant threat from its congress to send gunboats to the South China Sea to defend the islands from China if necessary. This is beyond reproach. The reason: there are more than 130,000 Filipina maids working as $3,580-a-month cheap labor in Hong Kong. As a nation of servants, you don’t flex your muscles at your master, from whom youearn most of your bread and butter.
As a patriotic Chinese man, the news has made my blood boil. I summoned Louisa, my domestic assistant who holds a degree in international politics from the University of Manila, hung a map on the wall, and gave her a harsh lecture. I sternly warned her that if she wants her wages increased next year, she had better tell every one of her compatriots in Statue Square on Sunday that the entirety of the Spratly Islands belongs to China.
Grimly, I told her that if war breaks out between the Philippines and China, I would have to end her employment and send her straight home, because I would not risk the crime of treason for sponsoring an enemy of the state by paying her to wash my toilet and clean my windows16 hours a day. With that money, she would pay taxes to her government,and they would fund a navy to invade our motherland and deeply hurt my feelings.
Oh yes. The government of the Philippines would certainly be wrong if they think we Chinese are prepared to swallow their insult and sit back and lose a Falkland Islands War in the Far East. They may have Barack Obama and the hawkish American military behind them, but we have a hostage in each of our homes in the Mid-Levels or higher. Some of my friends told me they have already declared a state of emergency at home. Their maids have been made to shout 「China, Madam/Sir」 loudly whenever they hear the word 「Spratly.」 They say the indoctrination is working as wonderfully as when we used to shout, 「Long live Chairman Mao!」 at the sight of a portrait of our Great Leader during the Cultural Revolution. I’m not sure if that’s going a bit too far, at least for the time being.
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家庭戰爭
上周，俄羅斯人擊沉了一艘香港貨船，殺死了船上的7個中國船員。我們可以接受——谁叫列寧和斯大林曾經是全中國人民的精神導師呢。日本人在釣魚島插上了一面國旗。這也不成問題——我們香港的中國人就是喜歡日本動漫，Hello Kitty，在新宿購物，更不要說整天沉醉在卡拉OK中了。
但是，等一等，竟然是菲律賓人？馬尼拉剛剛對南中國海一堆叫斯普拉特利群島（南沙群島）的稀稀拉拉的石頭聲明了主權，還有他的國會無恥地威脅如果必要會派遣炮艇到南中國海去保衛那堆島嶼不被中國占領。這是無法忍受的。因為有超過13萬的菲律賓女仆在香港拿著每月3580港幣的低工資。作為一個仆人國家，你們不要對為你們提供大部分面包黃油的主人展示你們的肌肉！
作為一個愛國的中國人，這個新聞讓我熱血沸騰。我叫我的菲傭路易莎過來，她曾經在馬尼拉大學取得國際政治學位。我在墻上掛了一面地圖，給她地上了严肃的一課。我嚴厲警告，如果她想要明年升工資的話，她最好在周日在皇后像廣場跟她的同胞們聚會的時候，告訴所有人，整個斯普拉特利群島都是屬于中國的。
我毫不留情地告訴她，如果菲律賓和中國爆發了戰爭，我會不得不結束對她的雇用，直接送她回老家。我不愿冒著犯叛國罪的風險，因為她每天16小時地為我洗廁所擦窗戶就為她付工資，而資助了國家的敵人。她會用這些錢給她的政府交稅，她的政府就會用這些錢去組建海軍還入侵我的祖國，這嚴重地傷害了我的感情。
對了。如果菲律賓政府認為我們中國人會對他們的冒犯忍氣吞聲，并在遠東輸掉一場福卡蘭群島戰爭（馬島戰爭），那么他們就完全錯誤了。他們或許有巴拉克·奧巴馬還有鷹派的美國軍隊為他們撐腰，但是我們每個中產階級以上的家庭里面都會有人質！我的一些朋友們告訴我，他們已經宣布，家里進入了緊急狀態。他們的女仆們被要求在聽到“斯普拉特利”這個詞的時候，大聲的喊出“中國，先生（女士）”。他們說，這些教導是如此的有效，就像我們曾經在文革的時候，一看到我們偉大領袖的肖像，就大聲地喊出“毛主席萬歲”一樣。我不知道這樣做會不會有點過分，至少暫時這么做。
